You, music-illiterate people.

Ghost Track. t.A.T.u. - Malchik-Gay (Mальчик-гей)
from 200 Po Vstrechnoy, 2001

ok. this “band”. the greatest music bluff since Milli Vanilli? i don’t know about America, but in Europe they got pretty famous for some time for being two lesbian girls. just for this. and a slutty videoclip. but that wasn’t true at all.
now, in all his glorious russian language, this song, for which i found a live performance that NEEDED TO BE SEEN. the dance moves are only humping. really. amazing.
so, i don’t know russian, but they made also an english version that you can listen here, but to me, the music is even shittier than this version. now, the internet tells me that the russian version also talks about how these poor girls just want each other’s pussies and not boys, but to me this translation i propose you is more similar to the english one, talking about a desire for a gay boy and wondering how he can stuck things up his ass. oh there’s also a transliteration from cyrillic alphabet, so you can learn it and sing it to all your gay friends.

Tear strangle,
thoughts make life more difficult.
Hard to listen.
No I don’t understand.
Yes, I know all your secrets.
How do you handle solid objects?
Also i know this is hopeless
But I dream, conceal, conceal, conceal.

Gay boy, gay boy.
Be more cheeky with me
Don’t get red from the shame
gay boy, gay boy
Put it on your friends
gay boy, gay boy
fuck with me
gay boy, gay

11. 7 Seconds Of Love - Rocket Dog
by rathergood.com staff

more ska, and we’re getting at the end of this cold journey…
the guys at rathergood.com are quite genial, i mean, a song about a dog heroine! poor Laika was sacrified for the science and the space competition, and was the first earthling to see our dear planet from the space. also, the first orbital death. this needs a celebration. with kittens.
also, it nearly breakes my heart to not put this other thing they did. go watch it.

Comrade Laika, rocket dog,
hero of the soviet state!
Comrade Laika, hero dog,
launched by Stalin into space!
Comrade Laika, rocket dog,
Comrade Laika, rolling stone,
Comrade Laika, hero dog,
give this cosmodog a bone!
Walkies, walkies, space walkies.
Walkies, walkies, cold walkies,
Walkies, walkies, Berlin walkies,
die in space!

10. The Busters - Mickey Mouse In Moscow
from Ruder Than Rude, 1988

Ska! this german guys made this song about the capitalism conquering Russia, and communism conquering West nations. pretty simple, huh?

Police are growing dreadlocks, the army’s on vacation.
The KGB smokes homegrown grass like the rest of the Soviet nation.
Red Square full of Burger Kings, Komsmolski kids on dope.
Gimme gimme vodka, all the Russians sing, abandon any hope!

Forget old Marx and Lenin,
who cares about the old farts?
Let’s party at the Kremlin
And skank down in Gorki Park!

Meanwhile back in the Western block Russian fashion’s up to date,
join your local Brioska shop before it is too late!
Throw away your trendy clothes, get yourself a new gear.
Furcoats, feltboots, furcaps, Perestroika is here!


album version on the compilation.

9. Boney M. - Rasputin
from Nightflight To Venus, 1978

disco time, guys. if you followed my instructions, you’d be at the right level of vodka. this requires serious dancing.
so, besides the incredible stories about this guy, Rasputin was indeed a real figure. and this song is remarkably correct in telling his story. he was controlling the imperial power, he had tons of women, he had an affair with the Tsar’s wife because she thought he could heal her son, but the stories on his death are even more interesting. stabbed, poisoned, repeatedly shot, and finally drowned. have you ever heard he supposedly had a really huge cock too? oh, those russians…
there is a longer version of the videoclip, you can see it here, but the quality is very very poor. still, Boney and his girls going around Moscow are something to see.
also, the RA-RA-RASPUTIN. this was 1978, guys.

But when his drinking and lusting and his hunger
for power became known to more and more people,
the demands to do something about this outrageous
man became louder and louder…
“This man’s just got to go!” declared his enemies
But the ladies begged “Don’t you try to do it, please!”
No doubt this Rasputin had lots of hidden charms,
though he was a brute they just fell into his arms.
Then one night some men of higher standing
set a trap, they’re not to blame.
“Come to visit us” they kept demanding,
and he really came…

RA-RA-RASPUTIN
Lover of the Russian queen!
They put some poison into his wine!
RA-RA-RASPUTIN
Russia’s greatest love machine
He drank it all and he said “I feel fine!”

8. Shitdisco - Reactor Party
from Kingdom Of Fear, 2007

a scottish dance/punk band, really good in my opinion. and more on Chernobyl feelings. allegedly, russian guys are having rave parties in the dismantled nuclear reactors.
can you imagine it? like the end scenes of Brazil, but with rave music. i want to go there. who cares the radiation. i’d be glowing and be fucking awesome.

Back door,
cracked floor,
cracked reactor,
headaches from the generator.
We’ve never heard of the ministry of sound and
we’ve never heard of the underground and
there’s not enough police to close it down!
Not enough police in this whole town!
Left over Soviet
infrastructure,
fractured nuclear
fission rupture.
Furthest outpost
of bourgeois hardcore.
Cossack dancing
on a concrete dancefloor!

7. The Sisters Of Mercy - Dominion / Mother Russia
from Floodland, 1987

The Sisters Of Mercy are one of the finest goth bands, despite having a rather short discography. in this double song there is an anti-capitalistic feeling, and the reminiscence of the Chernobyl accident. guys, don’t forget that Russia put a serious threat on all Europe more with this little events more than with the Cold War. that’s really badass.
there is also a videoclip for just the first part of the song, Dominion, but lacking the Russian connection, i’d rather use this whole song. but give a look at the clip, indianajonesesque images, a fierce Patricia, and a very hot Andrew.

We serve an old man in a dry season,
a lighthouse keeper in the desert sun.
Dreamers of sleepers and white treason,
we dream of treason and the history of the gun.
There’s a lighthouse in the middle of Prussia,
a white house in a red square.
I’m living in films for the sake of Russia,
a Kino Runner for the DDR
and the fifty-two daughters of the revolution.
Turn the gold to chrome,
gift, nothing to lose,
stuck inside of Memphis with the mobile home, sing:
Mother Russia
Mother Russia
Mother Russia rain down down down!

6. Nina Hagen - Russian Reggae
from In Ekstasy, 1985

Nina is wonderful. her voice, her eyes, her music. something incredible. and one of the funniest artist on the planet. so here is her call to an unite Russia, in peace with the world, and driving the world mad with soviet tunes. all set to reggae music.
the “kalinka” in the song is one of the most famous russian traditional tune (here performed by the Russian Red Army Choir and some strange sovie blues brothers i suppose…)
the video is a live performance, with an introduction about the real meaning of this song. oh Nina, you should have the credit you deserve for having tore down the wall!

In the Soviet Union
we celebrate reunion
because there will be no more fighting!
and we will make the United Nations
be part of the celebrations.
The atomic war will never happen!

Ivan and Aljosha, Pavel and Serjosha,
Leonid and Vladimir, Juri and Grigori.
Those Russian boys they sing so nice
Juchei! Juchei! Kalinka! Kalinka! Kalinka Moga!

album version on the compilation.

5. The Beatles - Back In The U.S.S.R.
from The Beatles (The White Album), 1968

100% pure McCartney. this song was born as the Beatles take on Beach Boys music, which they loved, and you can totally picture Paul on his surf on the snowy mountain of Urals, being a lovely douche as usual. who cares about Miami? we have Moscow! and the ambiguity of Georgia as the Georgian Soviet Republic, how witty of you, Macca!
my fav Beatles, Ringo, isn’t even in this song. he was so pissed off by the other three, that he left the studios and Paul and John did the drums.
on a side note: Sigourney Weaver
. in this video Paul in solo version, in Kiev! oooh even Lenin would be dancing like crazy!

I’m back in the USSR,
you don’t know how lucky you are, boy!
Back in the US…
Back in the US…
Back in the USSR!
Well, the Ukraine girls really knock me out,
they leave the West behind!
and Moscow girls make me sing and shout
that Georgia’s always on my mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mind!

on the collection, album version.

4. Marc Almond - Heart On Snow
from Heart On Snow, 2003

guys, get used to it. i’ll post a lot of stuff by Marc and Soft Cell.
in early 90s, Marc, sick and tired of England, did a tour in Russia and Siberia. in his autobiography he tells how he was singing in this crazy locals on the borders, in the middle of nothing but snow, with russian soldiers going crazy about the way he looked, confused on his sexuality, and full of alcohol, literally jumping over him to just touch him. i can just imagine what he omitted to write. so years later he did this album of traditional russian songs. this is the english version of a song about love divided by the big distance that only a frozen desert can be.
this songs requires to be mildly drunk, as the “da da da” when singed is just so fucking russian.
in this video, he sings with a russian musician, it’s all so crazy and fun and just watch it, ok?

How like an arrow the road
flies across the russian steps,
like a tear runs across
a frozen cheek,
and like the thudding of the hooves
I hear the rhythm of the song
about a lonely rider
dying on the road…
da da da da da da!
da da da da da!
da da daa da da da da da!

as usual, on the compilation you’ll find the album version, not this live craziness.

3. Maxïmo Park - Russian Literature
from Our Earthly Pleasures, 1980

ok, let’s bring up the beat. Russian literature. if you got your eyes on some Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky, Mayakovsky, you know what it’s about. really, having someone talking about our relationship in terms of russian literature would be just amazing.
also, this song is from, and gives the name to, my fav Maxïmo Park’s album. an obsessive piano, drums and guitars, oh i fucking love this song.

There’s a news blackout,
‘cause it just got worse.
Status depends on the size of your purse.
There it is again that lock of hair that won’t sit still…

Our earthly pleasure distract us against our will.

Are you hopeful or just gullible?
Are you hopeful or just gullible?
We won’t be saved.
She can’t be saved.
I can’t live my life feeling nervous about tomorrow.

2. Kate Bush - Babooshka
from Never For Ever, 1980

this is the story of a woman that wants to be sure her husband is faithful to her. so she disguises as Babooshka, a younger lady, and tries to seduce him. guess what, she manages to and loses him either way. smart, smart, smart girl! now, where’s Russia? nowhere. the name is somewhat russian (really it’s close to the russian word for “grandmother”) and also her wooooooooooonderful clothing as Babooshka, but the real reason for me to put her here is that there’s this strange rivalry between Kate and Tori, specially lived by the fan of the two musicians, on who is the most crazy says the strangest things make sex with the piano is best. also, you’re gonna need a lot of vodka to see this heavy-80s-styled videoclip. so you’d better start drinking, guys.

And when he laid eyes on her,
he got the feeling they had met before.
Uncanny how she
reminds him of his little lady,
capacity to give him all he needs,
just like his wife before she freezed on him,
just like his wife when she was beautiful.
He shouted out: I’m
all yours,
Babooshka, Babooshka, Babooshka-ya-ya!
All yours,
Babooshka, Babooshka, Babooshka-ya-ya!
All yours,
Babooshka, Babooshka, Babooshka-ya-ya!

1. Tori Amos - Yes, Anastasia
from Under The Pink, 1994

a soft start. Tori is one of my mostly adored musicians, and this song is an epic journey in her style. well, her style until she had a daughter and became an happy mother, bah.
the connection with Russia is Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanova. you know, there was also an animated movie about her. so, according to her words, Tori had a nice talk with her ghost (oh she said weirder things) who asked her to write a song. yes, she did. it’s not really focused only about Anastasia, but still mentions some interesting things, and the song from only piano and voice will grow up with strings, and if you’re like me, chills are granted.

We’ll see how brave you are,
we’ll see how fast you’ll be running,
we’ll see how brave you are,
yes, Anastasia.
and all your dollies have friends.

Thought she deserved no less than she’d give,
well, happy birthday.
her blood’s on my hands,
it’s kind of a shame cause I did like that dress…

like many Tori’s songs, this one in concert is something even bigger. try this, in Texas.